Friday, September 19, 2008
I was raised to always think before I spoke, and to never set out to intentionally hurt anyone or anything, that all things are made to be loved and nurtured and all life is sacred. I was taught the Golden Rule from an early age, and I still employ it's values. I learned that we are not all perfect and that those who consider themselves so are just as afraid of failure as the rest of us, but they just wear thicker armor. My Mom taught me these things and we knew them as morals and values. Were we perfect kids? Heck no, but we always knew that no matter what we did in our transgressions and trespasses we would always be received back home with love, patience and guidance. We were made aware at a young age that life is not a scoreboard and that no one is secretly keeping track or silently holding grudges, and it remains that way to this day. I live far away from my mom, but she remains close as we talk often and keep each other close in our hearts. What I don't understand is why, as an adult we still make mistakes that we know better than to commit, and why we sometimes just don't learn our lessons. This has been a theme in my adult life, I often refer to myself as Mary Magdalen Jr., as she is known to have been given many second chances. And, if you read the Bible and follow her life, she honestly committed mistakes while attempting to do her best or make the world a better place, and set out to do so while causing little or no angst to anyone. I often think of her as the hippy disciple, because if she had her way the path to Calvary would have been laid with flowers, ribbons, rainbows and peace signs, and a billboard that said "Make Love Not War." So, I wonder, how does a person learn what is right and what is wrong, when they were taught the basics of living a good life. See, in my house the rules were simple, treat others like you want to be treated, clean up after yourself and keep your area clutter free, never say anything about someone that you would not say to their face, and most of all and most important, always be willing to forgive and put the past behind you, not because ignorance is bliss, but because the only way we can love one another is in the realization that it is in the true forgiveness of others that we learn to forgive ourselves. So, it is now at the age that I am, that I am realizing that perhaps it is not the way I learned at Mom's knee, that good people do bad things, that forgiveness is not always easy to receive and often harder to give, and that we often reap what we did not set out to sow, and that our failure to realize these mistakes as we commit them is not in itself a conscious crime, requiring an invisible prison and guard. The human race does not live in a constant delusional mist of criminal attempts to hide their mistakes from those whose opinions matter most. So, what's a girl to do? I guess the only thing that she can do, try her best and live honestly, and when the going gets rough just pick herself up, dust herself off and keep on keeping on, for the true lessons of life are not in the doing but the trying and trying again, because at the end of the day, there's really only one person who she needs to prove her worthiness to, and He made her. So this girl will keep trying and trying her best and when life gives her lemons, she wll make lemonade....and hope that one day will find an appreciation of the sweetness of her labors, even if they find a seed in their glass. Thanks Mom and Dad for all your teachings and for being my constant cheering squad and my most ardent lemonade aficionados...and thanks Mom for being my most treasured and most committed blog follower.